If you feel like you want to attend and have been invited, then you should attend. If you didn’t know the person who passed but have a relationship with one of their family members, attending their funeral can help the person you know feel cared and supported. You can bring someone with you if you don’t want to go alone. In most cases, the more people that attend a funeral, the more supported the family will feel. If you feel that attending the funeral would cause the family to be uncomfortable, then you shouldn’t attend. Or if there are logistical reasons preventing you from attending, that is ok.  A good test is to ask yourself “How will I feel about whether or not I attended the funeral a year from now?”   

Mood

Most funeral services will have a solemn atmosphere. There are some exceptions where the deceased one wished for a more festive celebration. However, losing a loved one will always cause sadness no matter the mood of the service. It is important to be respectful of the family and those attending the service.  

At the Funeral

Arrive early- you don’t want the service to be delayed or distracted by you arriving late. This also gives you time to sign a guestbook and reflect on memories with your loved one. Keep your phone away- try not to answer calls or check your texts (unless there is an emergency). Also, do not take any pictures unless you were specifically asked to do so by the family. Don’t seek out the family before the service- if they happen to be greeting people, keep your interactions brief and then find a seat. Family typically sits towards the front. Follow the lead- funerals are typically led by a clergy member or speaker who will guide the service. You should feel free to participate in the ceremony. Even if you are not religious, it is respectful to follow along with rituals, such as standing during prayer. It shows your support for the deceased and their families. Step out if you need to– crying is a normal part of any funeral. However, if you find yourself upset to the point of distracting others or taking away from the service, it would be best to step out from the service until you have regained control.   Follow the Order of Dismissal- at the end of a service, the family will follow the casket out of the building. Following them, the attendees are typically dismissed row by row and are expected to exit promptly. Follow Instructions for the Procession– if you are attending the graveside ceremony that requires driving, you will need to follow the directions of the traffic directors. Be sure to have your headlights on to signal that you are a part of the procession.